Torn
I hate being friends with someone who I deeply care about. He doesn’t understand my feelings for him & I think he just sees this as another games that he can play. I don’t know what I’m going to do with him. I want to stop talking to him, but deep in my heart I still have hope for us. Why am I like this? Why does he make me feel this way? On Friday night, I saw him. First we went to get some ice cream, then back to his house. We spoke for a bit and he acted the way he used to act when we were together. Then he kissed me……It felt perfect, his kiss was so soft and innocent. He made me melt with that kiss. What am I going to do? My mom tells me that I should just be straight up with him and dump him, but honestly I can’t….wtf am I going to do?
Map
A map tells us where to go. Where to turn or what street to take.
But did you ever think that your heart was a map. Not a map to find your true love, but a map that shows every bump in the road, every dead end, and every cross section we come across. The map of my heart, shows every road that was stepped on and broken to. Each crack is a deeper map of a story on how it got there. Each intersection, is where I came to a stop, read the wrong signs & took a wrong turn. A smooth pavement shows the progress to my destination, until a dead end comes up, and I’m stuck with no where to go, but to turn around and go a different route.
A map just doesn’t tell us where to go, it tell us a story to each direction.
Jerk Off
Today I did something that I promised myself that I would not do. Yeah, well that means I saw “Jerk Off”. Why did I do that to myself? Why am I allowing myself to go through this again? Why can’t I just let him go like anyone else? Why must I care for him the way that I do? F@*K!!!!!! I need this feeling to go away before something happens then I’m screwed. No matter how hard I’m trying not to, my feelings are getting away once again. He is going through the pain I went through with him, with another girl. Should I feel any type of sorrow for him? Deep down inside, I’m giving her a high five for putting him through that, but when I really think about it, was it even right? I am happy that he is talking to me again, but then again I know it’s a show that he puts on every year. Yes every year, which means he has done this to me twice before. How can I be so strong and willed to be able to let out my deep feelings out without sounding like a freaking nut case?
